The Confident Parent
Becoming a new parent creates many unforeseen challenges which can be difficult to navigate. One such challenge that is often overlooked is how to deal with unsolicited advice from other parents, most notably friends or family members. It can be hard to develop confidence in your own abilities when you are consistently being made to feel that the choices that you make about your own children are being invalidated from several different directions. So how do you effectively cope with unsolicited advice while still maintaining relationships and building your confidence as a new parent?
First and foremost learn how to effectively communicate with people who provide unsolicited advice. Assertive communication is key when it comes to setting boundaries while still maintaining positive relationships with others. Effective responses to unsolicited parenting advice can include the following phrases:
“Thanks so much for the advice. I’ll look into it and see if that works for me.”
“I appreciate your thoughts, but it would actually be more helpful for me to receive advice from you for specific questions that I have rather than giving me information I haven’t asked about.”
“I know you really care about me, but it makes me feel like I’m not doing a good job as a parent when I get a lot of feedback from you about things I could be doing differently.”
“I realize that this probably worked well for you, but my child may need a different approach.”
Of course this is not an exhaustive list, but practicing more assertive responses to unsolicited advice can be helpful with building your confidence and setting boundaries with others while still respecting their position.
Another parental confidence booster involves the ability to self validate. Trust in your decision making and your ability to understand and respond to your child’s needs. Recognize when you are engaging in negative self talk about your parenting abilities and shift these patterns when they arise by verbalizing your strengths as a parent rather than focus on your weaknesses.
Finally, understand that mistakes as a parent are inevitable and do not make you a bad parent. When you recognize a mistake has been made, acknowledge it and change your behavior or approach. Parenting is a learning process for which we do not receive a manual and what works for one child may not work for another. Take mistakes in stride and accept them as part of your parenting journey.
Building confidence as a new parent can be tough. Asserting yourself with others, trusting in your abilities, and accepting mistakes are all important keys to becoming a more confident parent. Should you continue to struggle with parenting concerns over time, do not hesitate to reach out for support as needed.
