Love Languages

You’ve likely heard the term “Love Languages” before.  This concept, developed by author Gary Chapman, has become a popular self help approach to relational communication within the past few years.  The basic premise behind this idea outlines 5 Love Languages that dictate how people give and receive love and is meant to help couples figure out how to display affection towards one another in ways that will be most meaningful to themselves and their partner.  Sounds nice in theory right?  But is there any validity to the 5 Love Languages?

The short answer here is yes and also no.  The general concept of displaying love in a manner that your partner can best understand and receive is a useful one.  It is also useful to become more mindful of how you typically enjoy receiving affection and love.  However, the 5 Love Languages have often been criticized for being overly simplistic, for not taking cultural factors into account, and for not allowing room for changes in preferences for affection brought on by personal or relational growth.

So how can this concept be implemented usefully in relationships?  The best way to integrate the basic premise behind the 5 Love Languages is to utilize this idea as a means of opening up broader dialogue with your partner about how to most effectively give and receive love in your relationship.  Rather than confining this conversation strictly to the 5 Love Languages presented in Chapman’s work, try to use these languages as a framework for more detailed conversations about what you need from your partner in your relationship.  Try to be as specific as you can in these conversations and be willing to check back in with each other from time to time to assess whether or not love is being displayed successfully.  

Sometimes it can be challenging to determine what we really need from one another in close relationships.  Don’t be afraid to experiment with various ways of showing love and keep your partner in the loop about what does and does not work for you.  Ultimately, two of the best predictors of healthy relationships are open communication and consistency and the 5 Love Languages can be an effective tool to add to the relational toolbox to promote these relational ideals.