Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is a form of abuse that is rarely talked about and can take many forms within interpersonal relationships. Many victims of financial abuse are often unaware that what they are experiencing is indeed a form of abuse. While the statistics of the presence of financial abuse in otherwise typical relationships is unclear, it is thought that financial abuse does co-occur in about 99% of all domestic violence cases. So what does financial abuse actually look like? Below I have included the most common forms of financial abuse and their explanations.
The CEO: The CEO is likely the most subtle form of a financial abuser and the hardest one to spot. Within relationships, the CEO directs all of the finances. The CEO is fully aware of how much money comes in and how much money goes out. Often partners of CEOs feel safe within the relationship financially, but have no idea what the household income is like or how much household bills cost. This leads to the CEO having full say over the financial decisions of the household without the other partner being able to contribute to budgeting or larger financial decisions. Typically, partners of CEOs are allowed to spend money freely, but due to the financial setup of the household, the partner of the CEO must always ask the CEO for money when doing anything. This dynamic can frequently contribute to stress in the relationship over time if the CEOs’ partner wants to become more financially involved or becomes anxious over the relationship dynamic as it is. Partners in CEO relationships are usually, but not always, encouraged not to work.
The Controller: The Controller displays some similar traits to the CEO, but typically the partner of the Controller is more aware of the financial state of the household than CEO partners are. The Controller manipulates their partner through financial complaints around their partner’s spending habits, while maintaining independence around their own spending habits. The Controller will frequently comb through their partners’ credit card statements and will demand explanations for spending habits; however, they will often not share their own spending habits. Controllers will also typically make it challenging for their partner to spend money on themselves by triggering conflicts whenever their partner goes out with friends, wants to go to the store alone, or orders something offline for themselves. This dynamic can sometimes lead the partner of the Controller to hide their spending habits or to feel anxiety around financial conversations with their partner.
The Saboteur: The Saboteur is the most destructive form of a financial abuser. The Saboteur will effectively sabotage the financial state of the house for their own gains. Saboteurs will often hide their spending habits from their partner and will overspend. Saboteurs will also sometimes sabotage their own careers or attempt to sabotage the career of their partners to keep the partner in the relationship. Additionally, saboteurs can also steal their partner’s information to take out loans and credit cards, effectively ruining their partner’s financial health across the span of the relationship and beyond.
Financial abuse can often be the most subtle form of abuse, thus it is typically overlooked or misunderstood. The toll that financial abuse can take on victims can be catastrophic and it can take years to recover from the ramifications of financial abuse. If you feel that you or someone you know may be a victim of financial abuse, do not hesitate to reach out for help.
