Healing From an Affair
Infidelity is one of the most common reasons that couples seek out therapy. Infidelity can damage trust, communication, and emotional and physical intimacy, and many couples find it difficult to repair their relationship following an affair. Below, I have included some tips to be aware of if you are going through the journey of healing from an affair.
Do not get hung up on details of your partner’s affair. At the end of the day, details mean very little, and can actually damage your mental and emotional health further. It is ok to inquire about specific steps your partner is taking to distance themselves from the person that they had an affair with, however.
Be communicative with your partner about how you are feeling as you work on repairing your relationship. This does not mean rehashing old arguments or continually bringing up your partner’s act of infidelity, but it does mean letting your partner know when you are having a difficult day or if you continue to feel sad or angry with them for their actions. Being communicative with your partner about your feelings allows you to be vulnerable with them, which is paramount towards rebuilding trust in your relationship.
Be willing to look at and work through issues in your relationship which existed before the affair. You are in no way responsible for your partner’s affair, but being open to resolving underlying problems in your relationship will allow your relationship to be as strong as it possibly can be moving forward.
Let go of the need to exert control over your partner following the affair. Do not invade your partner’s privacy, track their location, put them down, or restrict affection in an effort to gain control. This will inevitably lead to additional stress on the relationship, your partner, and yourself over time.
Work towards forgiveness of your partner. If you do need to take some space and/or time from your partner, or your relationship with them needs to shift temporarily in some way, ask for your needs clearly so that they are aware of your boundaries within the relationship as you continue to heal.
Become comfortable with discomfort. Following an affair, your relationship will never be the same again, but it will hopefully become stronger than it was even before the affair. You will have periods of time during the healing process where you will feel angry, scared, hurt, and/or mistrustful. You will wonder if the relationship is worth it, or if your partner will hurt you again. All of these feelings are valid and are a normal part of healing from an affair.
Healing from infidelity is indeed one of the most challenging obstacles for any relationship and this is by no means a comprehensive list. I encourage any couples who have experienced infidelity in their relationship to reach out for couples’ counseling services to aid in their healing and to strengthen their relationship moving forward.
