Locus of Control
During chaotic times, people often seek some semblance of control. Focusing on what you can control in times of uncertainty can certainly be helpful. Problem being, most people vastly overestimate what is and what is not within their control. So when you are feeling untethered, what level of control can you cling to?
Firstly, it is important to note that you cannot control your feelings. However, you can control your response to those feelings. People react to stress in many different ways, and you cannot control whether or not you may feel sad, anxious, angry, numb, etc in response to stress. You also cannot control how long these feelings may last and whether or not they come and go. But you can decide what you want to do with those feelings. Do you want to make space for them? Do you want to share them with others? Do you want to find a healthy outlet for them like through exercise or journaling? Do you want them to help inform your actions moving forward? Choosing how you respond to your emotions can be a powerful tool for learning to cope with them when times are tough.
Secondly, you cannot control the actions of others, but you can respond to others’ actions through your own actions. You cannot control if someone respects your boundaries, but you can control how you enforce those boundaries moving forward. You cannot control whether or not someone behaves in line with your ethics and values, but you can take daily meaningful actions that align with your values and ethics. You cannot change the world, but you can change how you move within the world around you. The more focus you put into your own actions rather than the actions of others, the more fulfilled you will be.
Lastly, you cannot control your future or your past, but you can control your present. Most anxiety derives from challenges with moving forward from the past or from over concern about an undetermined future. If you spend all of your time in the past or the future you will never be able to find joy in the present. Focus on the little joys day to day. Express gratitude. Engage in self care. Laugh. Talk to someone you care about. Do not allow your present to pass you by because of regret or fear.
Understanding your locus of control can be paramount to easing distress during challenging times. You can control your response to your emotions, your actions, and how you show up in the present moment. Things that are outside of your control such as how you feel, others’ actions, and the future or past should not be focused on during times of stress. Let go of what you can control and seek out what you can to effectively ride the waves of life. Take care of yourself!
